Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
