he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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