I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
