it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
