Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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