Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
