the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you would pick up someone in the library
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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