Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
