I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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