UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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