she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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