I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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