Barsexuality is the new black.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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