she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
