He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
