so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
