I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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