Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think my moral compass just broke
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
