Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
