I just gift wrapped bread.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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