to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
