My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
