Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
