Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
