As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
