You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
