I'm really into asian looking animals
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
