If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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