Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
