I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
