then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
