he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
