That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
