so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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