I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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