Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
