i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
