you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
