thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
