I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
