I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
