Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
