If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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