i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
