This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just high enough for therapy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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