i think my tv is drunk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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