First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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