so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
