that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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