So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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